Ham Sandwich Overpowers Muslim Students

Although docile in nature, the ham sandwich is the natural predator of the Muslim middle-school student, often disguising itself as a lunch item until it can get close enough to the Muslim to consume its soul. This is the obvious belief of school administrators in Lewiston, Maine. School officials at Lewiston Middle School. The student who simply placed a ham sandwich on the lunch table is now being investigated by the local police for a possible hate crime. According to the school's superintendent, Leon Levesque, the student has been suspended, and more disciplinary action could follow pending the outcome of the investigation.

Muslim students sitting at the table claimed to be traumatized by the incident. Muslims believe pork to be unclean and highly offensive. According to Superintendent Levesque, "the school incident is being treated seriously as a hate incident." Police are currently investigating the matter alongside the Center for the Prevention of Hate Violence - who is also working with the school to create an anti-ham response plan (AHRP). Said Levesque, "These children have got to learn that ham is not a toy, and that there are consequences for being nonchalant about where you put your sandwich."

Please!! Give me a break!!